so that funeral was reallllllly awkward
am i a freak?

i wish i were a different species. condor would be cool.

brb; falling back in love with emily haines

first fall fair so no movies with erica,
now funeral so no christy's?
wtf is with these ruined plans?

i hate hate hate all the "drama" and controversy with people my age
like sometimes i think they're flattering themselves
trying to feel "grown-up" by acting like there are issues in their lives that are actually important or merit some sort of attention
you're just a kid, no one cares that people are spreading rumours about you
or that you feel sad because you can't cope with school
or that you're holding a grudge against someone. get the fuck over it, you're sooooooo childish.
IT HAPPENS TO A MILLION PEOPLE EVERY DAY. honestly.
like shut the fuck up.
i know this all sounds harsh but it's honestly how i feel sometimes.

okay so here's how it goes.
picture day was a bust. but that was expected, i would be bitchy too if i had to work with kids all day.
religion was ghey as usual,
science was kind of retarded but the quiz was hella easy so i'm glad,
but the project took me like three hours. whatta waste, half the time i was trying to figure out what an anemone eats. or some stupid shit like that. i mean, half the reason i chose an octopus is because i like saying "octopuses" anyway. fml
anyway, lunch was mostly amazing. park and such with jeff, sharlotte and andrea. LMAO'd. just little things like stains on jeffrey's shirt and sexual jokes about he and sharlotte and falling off the rolly thing like i'm high and drug reactions with andrea. they get me.
also learned i could be a storage unit for karella, who knew? and discussed some sorely missed important things with celina.
maths was hilaaaaaarious. the manual hole punch and mind melding and mark's reactions. and awkward loners with secret agendas. and identity crises. lulz.
and then media arts. lmao, our project is soooooooo bad. we literally just pasted pictures onto a bristol board and then courtney drew random shit on it. like a swingset, rofl. we're gonna fail. but i'm okay with that. tap stories make up for it.

and after school, helped karella get a book. waited for a meeting to end. dipped the fuck out of there to go look at a house that turned out to be a shithole in a swamp. pictures cannot be trusted. made a sandwich. ate it. damn, was it good.

THINGS TO LIVE FOR
1. driving in the rain and then going under an overpass and hearing the silence for about half a second before the rain hits the car again
2. wrapping lockers ;]
3. the killllllllllllllllllls
4. al gore sex appeal. it's the best thing ever.
5. marineland not being as good as it used to be
6. tumor wales [belugas]
7. science teacher jokes. LOLLLLLLL. ie. "al g. is a fun guy! get it?"
8. "i want expensive sadness"
9. being interested in serial killers, but not in a sympathetic way... ?
10. creature comforts, the show.
11. the song, "fond farewell". again.
12. stories of carly the dumbass. god i'm glad i don't have any classes with her anymore.

today was really amazing, at least parts of it. i felt really happy which was nice for a change. and it reminded me why i love some people.
but at the same time so many people were sad because of the kid who died. i know that sounds terrible, saying "the kid who died", but i don't know how to respond to grief or how to act when something like this happens. i didn't know him and so i'm not really sad but then i end up feeling bad for being happy when people are so sad, so i get sad, but then i question myself and my integrity for being sad for basically no reason that has anything to do with me and i feel bad, like i'm just patronizing [sp?] the people who actually loved him.
because if i were his sister/friend/mother/whatever, honestly, i would be angry at people who didn't even know him crying over him. because really, what do they have to be sad about? in a week/month they'll forget about this when the sister/frind/mother/whatever has lost someone forever, and what they're experiencing is not and never will be anything close to how the sister/friend/mom/whatever is feeling about his death.

fuck school.
i never want to go back.

dexter is a good show.

so i was cutting a watermelon up this morning and i realised something:
the secret to deliciousness lies in the shape of the bite-sized pieces.

wedges > cubes.

watermelon cut into isosceles triangles is infinitely better than watermelon cut into cubes.
it's all about the wedges. i don't know, it just is.

weekend morning are for melodies.

tgif;
school is laaaaaaaame as of yet.
i hate my homeroom like always [haven't i said this before?] and everything else is just alright.
sharing a locker with karella is awesome but ridiculously inconvenient for all my classes so i have to like cut out two binders and then use my other locker... idk. whateva.
my mommy's coming home. :]
and i'm going to marineland for an unknown reason. i'm gonna go do my homework like a loser.
 

oh my god. i'm pathetic.
my mother has been away for like two days and she'll be back on saturday
but i feel so alone. so i'm watching law and order because it reiminds me of her.
and i didn't think i needed her around as much as i do.
and i feel like a little kid, needing my mom in the first week of school.
and an hour from now i'll be like, "wtf was i talking about? i'm fine."

i miss my mom :[
ew i'm such an effing loser

and i finally realised that there is music that can change my mood: simon and garfunkel.
"i am a rock" makes me feel better all the time. even though it's supposed to be ironic and whatever it must be rooted in truth because it had to come from somewhere, right?
god bless you, paul simon.
and art garfunkel to a lesser extent.

and msn's being a douche.

postives:
my science teacher is apparently hilarious
sharlotte will be in my science class [awww yeeee]
lunch with lovelies
jeff at school tomorrow
i get ma locker tomorrow
math with andrea and monica again, and anarita and christina and some other rad coolsters
media arts with courtney and a bunch of cool new people [hell yeah much?]
seeing random loves like dameon and karella and celina and erica and deanna and violet today, if only for a few minutes
GUY PANTS. WITH POCKETS. BADASS MANNNNN
return of the pingu folder :]

negatives:
ewww two classes in portables.
shittiest homeroom ever in portable when i could be doing the exact same thing 20 feet away in the other religion poratble with a cool teacher and awesome people
no classes with the majority of the people i love D:
assembly tomorrrow, fuck that
sharlotte and jeff not back yet :[
new locker. fml i liked the old one.
no french this semester, what the fuck.
walking to school ewwwwwwwwwwwww i hate it more than life.
people bingo. don't lie and say you didn't do it in EVERY CLASS.
math homework. wtf fml
sitting in alphabetical order. KILL ME NOW, GOD
i actually miss my mom. i need a hug
where the fuck is alex?

i think my schedule made me wanna be homeschooled :$

mentalbreakdownmentalbreakdoenmenatlabrakdwnaakmsnda
omfg i am seriously freaking out
wtf
what if i have like no classes with anyone
and my locker sucks
what if i can't find anyone tomorrow??!!?!?!?!?!!/1
i'm gonna go get a hug i fucking hate worrying
shit
omfg
ahhhh

so;
nerd rock ftw
and imma kill myself before school starts.
being able to see everyone (perhaps @ christy's?) would be awesome, but who knows if it will happen.

rofl @ the fact that last friday, everyone in my family got their hair cut. at the same place. :]
losers.

omgomgomg
i'm preparing for a one day digression from mt depression.
tomorrow, lisa conquers ikea.
fuck yes.

but until then i'm agonizing over what to write in my grandmother's birthday card.
i always do. i should stop. maybe people don't care that much. i do.

THINGS TO LIVE FOR
1. finding people who share love for journey, and can sing all the words to "don't stop believing" with me.
2. making hats for a rabbit with andrea.
3. acting sophisticated while drawing with chalk all over the driveway.
4. ganging up on people who say that the jobros version of hello goodbye is better because, "the beatles were so dead when they did it". LOL GTFO.
5. seeing people across the sidewalk and talking for like one second.
6. "let me rock you, chaka khan!" enough said.
7. headphones that look way too ridiculously big for my head but i use anyway.
8. planning to get drunk while sitting on street signs.
9. wearing sweaters all the time.
10. the song "you only live once"
11. singing voices that don't sound good, but soothe you anyway.
12. music that your whole family has been able to sing along to since before you can remember.
13. inherited tastes.
14. anchorman.
15. pokemon.
16. people you feel like you've known forever.
17. being enamored with ideas and melodies.
18. having a love affair with an old heating blanket.
19. having one thing to look forward to every day,
20.
21. the poetic justice of landing on every possible "baby boy/baby girl/twins" space in the game of life, and then having to pay twenty thousand dollars for each child.
22. dreams. the sleeping type, not the hopes and ambitions type.
23. stories about things that have happened to people in their day that make your day.
24. ikea. :]
25. "50 ways to leave your lover", my jammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 4 daiiz
26. the mighty boosh.
27. england. it sounds lame but it's so awesome.
28. catch phrases
29. the redundancy of the wonder pets.
30. "howard moon, coming at you like a flannel". LOL
31. crimping. and the pancake song.

there is so much sound in this house that i feel trapped
but i kinda wanna get up and dance ans sing along
but of course i never would
and i'm so thankful that my parents exposed me to old shit
and like wierd stuff i would never have known about
and i'm glad i grew up with like classic rock and eighties hits and folk
but the one thing i can't stand is geddy lee's voice
because it seriously wants to make me shoot him in the face
and i can just barely stand closer to the heart and fly by night
but they still make me homicidal like fuck

i'm sorry
i'm rambling

when will one o'clock come?

oh mannn
talking on the phone with andrea has rejuvenated my life.
we've realized that grass pokemon are totally ghey. and metapod is about the worst pokemon ever because it only knows harden when you catch it in the wild and even if you do evolve it from a caterpie or a weedle, it takes so long to share experience points in battle that training it is pointless.

so yeah, alex and andrea over tomorrow for some baking, N64 and a rousing game of driveway chalk pong just like back in geography class. and maybe a journey to a&p because i have like no butter in my house.

and i'm finally getting my family into arrested development. i love that you have to actually watch it to get all the little jokes.

also, please note: red lobster is like the best restaurant in existence, and i wish i felt about more bands the way i do about the strokes because they never wear down.

that's all.

what is wrong with me?
i think i'm having an epiphany
but probably not.

off to pensylvania tomorrow. i probably misspelled that.
idk why, lately i get nauseous and like realllly really guilty when i spend money. i think i'm developing a complex and becoming a cat lady. that really appeals to me lately. maybe it's my path in life. or whatever.

and i'm an insomniac.
i'm about ready to cack myself at this point.